the park.

i'm scared.

Sometimes, the future can look so terrifying I can't help but wonder if it's even worth it. Coming out of classes, building new relationships, we seem to formulate a comforting zone of what is right and wrong. We can find ourselves in the lives that we might have, or should have. Easy way outs come our way. However, I couldn't help but wonder, when does the pursuit of happiness become dangerous?

Life seems to take turns each and every corner, but also, does the roads of life appear out of chance, or is that word called fate, where everything is predestined. Do you let go and let the drive take itself?

Dreams can only go so far, so is it smart to let go of old dreams and make new ones? Do we let ourselves go? Or do we simply become better?

Maybe our lives seem to take shape from past mistakes over and over. The enforced idea to live the best life now would seem to take hold and make everything, amazing. In only two short years, I've found the best opportunities come from the unexpected. Love cannot be planned, and those instances when life seems to be going great cannot be planned either.

Life is a box full of treasures, gifts, and complete mysteries. From highs and lows, maybe, it's always important to know that those little treasures still exist and that if you can believe that, than anything is possible.

history repeating

for once. just this moment.

I take time out. Time from all the craziness to acknowledge one.

One simple, yet unexpected object.

Time tells an important story, from the moments of first meeting someone to the length of time that allows from not communicating. How do we simply define what is now? or even then?

Love. Passion. Temptation. Patience. Life.

All of which occur in the smallest amounts of time, from you, from others, from the ones unknown. I never understood the true meaning of the unexpected. The whispers, the shouts, and everything in between occur to simply say.. the best is still to come.

Our lives, at least mine anyways, have been shaped from the surrounding we place ourselves in. The music, the movies, the maniactic moments we follow shape every moment around us. Cinematic moments motivate ourselves to say 'i'll have that' or 'that'll never happen'. However, what I've come to find (and as insightful as I may sound) is that none of that really matters. The fear of knowing drives us into new prospects. Being more than fortunate to know and understand someone besides myself for a period of time gives me the ability to say.. let's move forward. Understanding yourself.. and even knowing you can be loved will make you progress. After all. . alcohol, drugs, sex or everyday life can place temporary sedatives in how you'll feel.. but it's until you confront the issue wholely.. is when you, your special, self-loved self, will be able to move on.

At this age of innocence, it's importance to remember one thing: self-love. I wish I knew all the answers, but as my mind runs, and runs with yours.. love yourself first. I will say.. thus far. I've found someone whose caused me to love differently. Who has caused me to love so deeply. I've found someone who've I lost, but fortunately, caused me to realize how much I've lost. I've found someone I still lust, but not for aesthetics, but for a feeling. A feeling that says, "i'm alright, i'm more than grateful for this. now."

This person still has expectations for me. This person inspires me, I learn from him.

He learns from me. He allows me to say 'he' and not try to be anyone but myself. He learns from me, and brings a new sense of joy in my life. However, deep inside of me, I still feel I'll never be good enough for him, but chancing myself for him makes life that much more exciting. Without risks, there's no life to live. I love someone, still.

It never went away.

Finally Moving

For the past three years I've been writing, I've always come to conclude that the people writing in coffee shops didn't really know how to write. These people are most likely still reeling from a painful breakup. Ego aside, I'm the sitting cliche.

More often than most, we come to sense our mistakes after we've made them. Finally, it seems that I finally knew myself well enough to realize the person I had been longing after wasn't enough.

Life's too short, and that goes to say spending an enormous amount of time on one person went with consequence. My world of what happened and what will happen will ultimately change. However, nothing can amount for the moment right now.

Distant Dreamer

In every instance, we're overshadowed by a sense of fear. The fear comes unnoticed by many, sometimes it's a fear already conquered. Like a ghost, the fear comes to take many by surprise when it's fear of the unknowing turns into a deeper sense of love. Something unknown and completely unexpected.
Turning from those initial thoughts, I've come to find myself at a crossroads, where both options balance each other out. I had to wonder, that when moments such as this, where two options await with better things, are simply just gambling with our lives?
Memories from events prior shadow the moments that come alive, and I'm here. This moment, gone. This moment, here. When we dream, we aspire, when we laugh, we smile. When we cry, our hearts overfill, only to smile once more. What happens when everything around us seems content, and the moments that await just scare us?
Often, I refer to life as an adventure, but when the adventure turns into a major decision, how do we decide?

on reste dieu merci a la merci

There are moments that begin to end the worry of all the troubles and at that moment..

You realize how lucky you are. And you find yourself in love.

In love with a moment, where everyone is set aside, for this simple moment. If you can fall in love, with a moment like tonight. Then consider yourself so fortunate, you're in love.

Starry nights, how I love thee.

I'm Alright

Life seems to take its sudden twists and turns at the most unexpected times. Relationships fall apart, crushes spur out of no where, and lucky moments spring from the unexpected. It's in the process of moving on from one another, including your old self, is where the biggest importance lies. Remembering how you've come, when you still have so far to go. Thinking to yourself, 'this is only temporary, I can do it.' Where comfort lies in bottles made of glass, or cups full of coffee, the most important comfort lies inside you. The fact that your heart, which remains a secret, is happy with itself, it's flaw, it's ups, it's beauty is the most important matter. When your heart is willing to be open, then you'll find yourself appreciating more and realizing how truly lucky you really are.

You'll never be alone when your heart is telling you, 'I still believe in you.'

Onto to the planning of the next few journeys, and the opening into a whole new area of my life.

Life is amazing again, and there's nothing anyone can do about it. Spring is here.