the ABC's of growing up..

When it seems that life has taken route in which the car falls off the hill completely, when nothing stops the constant ups and downs, is the time to scream! It seems that life takes no mercy on some people, while for others, the journey only passes along beaches and complete paradise. I believe I speak as a semi-depressed college student, who happens to be completely in turmoil over car damages and stressful classes. But above all of this, I take another hit from the Fraternity events and interactions that keep me awake at night, or completely annoyed. I knew there would have been a down spot in the Spring semester, but now that the time has hit, it seems to prolong itself into the point of me smoking again. I suppose I write to make myself feel somewhat better about myself, or to simply wave my white flag to the non-reading internet blogs. For some people, it's easy to say "go talk to a psycho doctor", or "stop drinking, because (my superior-self says) it's gross". However, I still deal with these people day in and day out as a way to get me through the day. I ask.. when will the day come when the perfect friend finally enters my life and actually stays, and doesn't move to California, or decides that she wants to enter 'sisterhood'. After all the trials and constant tribulations, I keep wondering, when will it finally stop?

As I sit here, completely defeated from weeks prior, cuddled from Bible believers, overwhelmed with failing classes, and torn over my complete ignorance, I continue to think what's next? I sometimes think that it's my fault, that all of this could have been rescued from one simple mistake. Karma. I used to think it was only folklore, but it seems like my life has taken a good hit from fairy tales.. Yet, I still continue to hold hope. It's a tiny light as of now, but I believe that perhaps, in a day or so, my strength will take an enhancer and build more. Quoting Carrie Bradshaw, perhaps "our mistakes are what make our fate, without them, what would shape our lives? Maybe if we never veered off course.. we wouldn't fall in love.."

Now while I don't proclaim myself as an searcher of love, I want to believe these blunders will carry me through this mess, and put me in a greater place in the end. Hopefully. It's all I can hold onto. At this moment.