Weekend Wars

I feel myself continuing to change. I like it. It's scary to be honest. From meeting new people to trying new things. I've come to the point where I feel that I want more. I'm not quite sure if it's me growing up, or simply trying to become something I'm not. At the same time, I'm comforted by all of this. For some reason, cigarettes give me peace. I hope. However I don't want to come to the point of addiction. Am I simply being me? or trying to become something more?

How do we know the direction we head is the right one? Will we ever truly know? I speak in circles once again, simply not knowing. However, I feel content with my life, but I feel I need to make some final stretches to become this new and improved person. What makes me hesitant is the journey back to Farmington, where I once used to call home. Even though it's for two months, I wonder how I will react going back. I feel that my old self is back, but wanting to move in a different direction now. I feel completely lost, but happy at the same time. Music sedates me. Smoking awakes me. Alcohol makes me live.

The times are changing, and I feel myself growing deeper into a better person. So here I go, continuing.. the past weekend gave me alot to think about. Perhaps, I need to keep my actions in moderation, living it up is great, just so long that it doesn't cost you the life you strive for. I also feel that I experienced what college social life has to truly offer. The place of calmness and clarity. Next year awaits, but this year is slowly running out. So with that said.. I think I'm making the most of it. Here's to the final moments of college year one.