medley

For more reasons than none, heartbreak hurts in ways we couldn't imagine. Suddenly, our lives seemed perfect and now, it seems unimaginable that we can ever get over someone. The time, the happiness, the smiles, the comforting effortless feeling that both of us were happy.

Seasons change, and our bodies become immediately adapt to the hot, to the cold. So is it that relationships, the initial flirting, dining, and breakup.. is all of it just a season?

Over the past 20 years, myself has become adapted with the change of seasons, temperature, and locations. But just recently, everything shifts from what was typical to what is reasonable. Random shifts of occurrence, people coming into your life, and what seems like a bus taking another route, my love (once upon a time) was gone.

So why is it, that my heart, along with millions of other innocent growing adults stayed in the same place. Is it that we unknowingly treat others how we'll be treated? After all, I had someone who still wanted to be friends, and someone who liked me, someone who probably loves me, but I couldn't help but wonder.. why doesn't it feel like it's ever enough?

Today, I took to my own judgement and realized that I'm no longer in that person's life, and I had to realize that people move on. Like I had done to many, I was the victim and I'm taking the hit. From one love to another prospect, it took nearly eight months, from heartbreak to moving on, to another rekindled heartbreak.. but it took eight months to come full circle and realize life can truly move itself into new areas.

Being aware that love and dependency tie hand and hand with one another at this prime age of life. I realize that even though I might not have someone with me at this moment.. It's important to realize that while some people are choosing to settle for now, others are settling for the promise of the future.. and all of it's paradise. After all, seasons change, people change, but you, will only grow more into yourself.. and if you're very lucky, find someone who will love that growth just as much as you.

stars.

life somehow makes it way onto the next step.

From college to summer and back again, we take a cycle most aren't aware of. When we go out, when we stay in, somehow, our bodies form a cycle. Life is completely parallel. From every atom in our body to the galaxies beyond us. We are only part of human nature.

Why couldn't I connect the pieces when it came to relationships, or lack thereof. After all, what others might have had, I had filled in other places. The mind is a mysterious creature. But the nervousness that blocks us from telling the truth and saying, 'here it is.. I love you', is an obstacle. Like many video games, once you pass an obstacle, only then. Only then are you able to move forward to the next level, one step closer to victory.

What I realized is that I've been in love with someone, for quite sometime, but what I wasn't aware of was I was in love with him because he brought me into another level of my life. One I don't think I could done without him. I have a new job, new look, new outreach, new goals, and a new sense of myself due to him. And it's not for him. It was as though someone finally said, it's okay, you can do this. And I did.

Now it's become back again, cycle. It falls on me. I've come clean, expressing my feelings. And the results can't shape the rest of my life. It was in that moment, I realize.. you have to keep walking, struggling maybe, but eventually, with time and patience, you'll reach the finish line.

With those who matter most to you. On to the next one.

a dear old southland;

When it comes to college; cycle. Begin. End. We’re done.

Life: Begin. End.

From what end of the universe; we told one way, another might adapt. Others may evaluate. We don’t really know who it is. What is it? And maybe, we’re just bullshitting ourselves like animals. The smallest of creatures. Beyond that, emotions, relationships, ‘sparks’, all mean what?

For college, it’s one obstacle over another. From lessons on the whiteboard, to the ones we reach. Finally, it makes sense, only to be rewashed, forgetting what we thought was right. I feel the same can be for people; someone makes sense, wait, did I not learn the first time? The second time?

And suddenly, but almost unexpectedly, it does make sense. See what most don’t know is that in college, you really learn anything is possible. From entering adulthood, making choices to bring ourselves into new areas, physically & emotionally. From making the most of it or tragically ending it; we’re ultimately in charge of whatever comes our way. Children, motivated from youth to believe how we, as adult believe. When it comes to dealing with past mistakes, complete delusional, or even rejection, we often drive down into denial, blaming ourselves. When in actual reality, none of it matters. We find how our lives connect, but like trying to use a mistaken key, it doesn’t fit. So why fret over it? The key is torn apart; making yourself unable to connect, fit, with anyone. I find that seeking happiness in your moment of life is what’s most important. Tim after time, remembering the best is still yet to come and in time, our bodies and mind will mature into going into its own terms, having peace: the most important.

So for now, as two years came and went, college & life go on; in which way?

Well, let’s just say we haven’t seen anything yet.

Remember always; stay forever young; the world, open to anything

"heaven can wait; we're only watchin' the skies, hoping for best, but expecting the worst"

the park.

i'm scared.

Sometimes, the future can look so terrifying I can't help but wonder if it's even worth it. Coming out of classes, building new relationships, we seem to formulate a comforting zone of what is right and wrong. We can find ourselves in the lives that we might have, or should have. Easy way outs come our way. However, I couldn't help but wonder, when does the pursuit of happiness become dangerous?

Life seems to take turns each and every corner, but also, does the roads of life appear out of chance, or is that word called fate, where everything is predestined. Do you let go and let the drive take itself?

Dreams can only go so far, so is it smart to let go of old dreams and make new ones? Do we let ourselves go? Or do we simply become better?

Maybe our lives seem to take shape from past mistakes over and over. The enforced idea to live the best life now would seem to take hold and make everything, amazing. In only two short years, I've found the best opportunities come from the unexpected. Love cannot be planned, and those instances when life seems to be going great cannot be planned either.

Life is a box full of treasures, gifts, and complete mysteries. From highs and lows, maybe, it's always important to know that those little treasures still exist and that if you can believe that, than anything is possible.

history repeating

for once. just this moment.

I take time out. Time from all the craziness to acknowledge one.

One simple, yet unexpected object.

Time tells an important story, from the moments of first meeting someone to the length of time that allows from not communicating. How do we simply define what is now? or even then?

Love. Passion. Temptation. Patience. Life.

All of which occur in the smallest amounts of time, from you, from others, from the ones unknown. I never understood the true meaning of the unexpected. The whispers, the shouts, and everything in between occur to simply say.. the best is still to come.

Our lives, at least mine anyways, have been shaped from the surrounding we place ourselves in. The music, the movies, the maniactic moments we follow shape every moment around us. Cinematic moments motivate ourselves to say 'i'll have that' or 'that'll never happen'. However, what I've come to find (and as insightful as I may sound) is that none of that really matters. The fear of knowing drives us into new prospects. Being more than fortunate to know and understand someone besides myself for a period of time gives me the ability to say.. let's move forward. Understanding yourself.. and even knowing you can be loved will make you progress. After all. . alcohol, drugs, sex or everyday life can place temporary sedatives in how you'll feel.. but it's until you confront the issue wholely.. is when you, your special, self-loved self, will be able to move on.

At this age of innocence, it's importance to remember one thing: self-love. I wish I knew all the answers, but as my mind runs, and runs with yours.. love yourself first. I will say.. thus far. I've found someone whose caused me to love differently. Who has caused me to love so deeply. I've found someone who've I lost, but fortunately, caused me to realize how much I've lost. I've found someone I still lust, but not for aesthetics, but for a feeling. A feeling that says, "i'm alright, i'm more than grateful for this. now."

This person still has expectations for me. This person inspires me, I learn from him.

He learns from me. He allows me to say 'he' and not try to be anyone but myself. He learns from me, and brings a new sense of joy in my life. However, deep inside of me, I still feel I'll never be good enough for him, but chancing myself for him makes life that much more exciting. Without risks, there's no life to live. I love someone, still.

It never went away.

Finally Moving

For the past three years I've been writing, I've always come to conclude that the people writing in coffee shops didn't really know how to write. These people are most likely still reeling from a painful breakup. Ego aside, I'm the sitting cliche.

More often than most, we come to sense our mistakes after we've made them. Finally, it seems that I finally knew myself well enough to realize the person I had been longing after wasn't enough.

Life's too short, and that goes to say spending an enormous amount of time on one person went with consequence. My world of what happened and what will happen will ultimately change. However, nothing can amount for the moment right now.

Distant Dreamer

In every instance, we're overshadowed by a sense of fear. The fear comes unnoticed by many, sometimes it's a fear already conquered. Like a ghost, the fear comes to take many by surprise when it's fear of the unknowing turns into a deeper sense of love. Something unknown and completely unexpected.
Turning from those initial thoughts, I've come to find myself at a crossroads, where both options balance each other out. I had to wonder, that when moments such as this, where two options await with better things, are simply just gambling with our lives?
Memories from events prior shadow the moments that come alive, and I'm here. This moment, gone. This moment, here. When we dream, we aspire, when we laugh, we smile. When we cry, our hearts overfill, only to smile once more. What happens when everything around us seems content, and the moments that await just scare us?
Often, I refer to life as an adventure, but when the adventure turns into a major decision, how do we decide?