in the end.

Imagine a cup. Time and time again, droplets of water reaching the tip, until finally, it's too much. Much is like people. I wonder to myself if all my friendships are like these cups, and each friendship will overfill leaving me to let it go, start anew, sometimes else where. This week I lost a great friend. A friend who made me laugh, someone who was there to accept me the way I am. One of those friends that changed me. I wonder if it's sadder to lose a person completely than it is to see a person who is no longer themselves, but a simple facade of the person you imagined them to be. We're all lying to ourselves into an extent. The clothes we where, the actions we take, the daily decisions we make all play a role in covering up something deep down.

When it comes to new friendships, do we guard ourselves from hurt, or open ourselves freely to new branches of emotions untouched or strengthen from previous relationships. It's often said, 'we never change, we just grow into ourselves more and more', so I had to wonder, does our actions change per person, or change per emotion. Each person we face we set up a different emotion of excitement and sometimes even resentment, however do those emotions change or grow? Are we living a life already pre determined? Do the people who come into and exit our lives leave us wanting more or leave us learning lessons? When faced into the debacle of various events or breaking free, are we heartbroken or just stupid?

By the ongoingness of complexity, I'm left feeling very stupid, however the vulnerability isn't as bad as it was before the initial threat of opening yourself up. Leaving empty handed emotionally seems only temporary from the investment of one person.. I learned and gained so much more in life lesson and am more grateful than ever getting to know myself a little more clearer.

Love is as blind as the light at the end of the tunnel.

I'm 20. out of love, ready for a new cup. inspired again, and optimistic.