something there.

another sunny day. I'm lucky I know.. but where is home?

The event has struck. I'm only sitting here in the aftermath. Under flourensence, caught between various thoughts and past experiences that only bring up one question, and that's why I'm not feeling as happy as I should? Am I simply too vain? Where does life begin? Where does happiness begin? The age of innocence no longer exist. Guilt shadows our everyday events. We question most daily events, emotions, and experiences to the point where we begin to blame only ourselves. Where does that all end? Do we, as individuals make our own fate? And do we seek a certain set of consequences based on every action? Life continues to make it's mark in mystery. At the start of a new month, I sit in partial guilt wondering if my happiness has begun? Where does stress partake in the individual feeling of your true happiness?

Do the questions we ask overshadow the answers we're given?

white flag

we are mysterious creatures.

From learning to let my guards down, to acting irrationally against those closest to me, I'm tangled in various emotions and trying to learn how to live again. At twenty years old, I'm completely lost, with full optimism that life can and will get better. New loves will occur, but every lesson opens new wounds that continue to be afflicted from past lessons learned from those around us. I've done pretty well on my own, and I'm ready to go at it again. Slowly, but surely, the feelings and judgments held against me need to simply only make my skin thicker. Staying positive can be tricky when negativity surrounds you, but knowing you have those doors still open carries great hope. So let's do this again. Dartmouth we like.

Turnin' The Page

Ever year, children in the bodies of growing adults have that one day, which spews special moments and giddy feeding of the ego. The day when single is celebrated, the birthday. For some it's hours of gift receiving and people coming up wishing their best. To the individuals spotlighted, it can dawn a self-realization moment. A day to reflect how far you've come from the year behind you, and how you wanna make the next year even more special. For some, it's like a ticking clock, with one tick just heard all around in the head. So what constitutes a perfect year, a perfect moment. The moment you feel this is mine, and no one can take it away?

And is it no longer special, when you choose to share the moment with someone else? Life is all about lessons, the lesson learned and never forgotten, however, I couldn't help but wonder, in the next twenty years, are the lessons destined by age? Is the great Age Issue simply just a page number on the book of lessons? I go far too deep with thinking at times, but for now, everything seems to be in order.

This moment is great. The lesson, no stress can be made unless you're the one doing the stressing. So with all that said, and about an hour and half left on my nineteen, I'm forced to turn the page onto page twenty. The page is unwritten, waiting for the lessons to start. Pen is ready. Line is set.. Here We Go Again.

Blank Page. 20.

lost, then found

making big plans.. turning 20 soon.

letting go of one monkey bar to move forward.. how is that when everything we want seems like nothing when we finally have it?

the fact we obtain our goals drives us forward.. and if I have learned one thing this year already; it's that despite my harshness or pessimism, love can truly change ones life as it did to mine. The spark of love pushed my ambitions farther than I could have first imagined.

2010.. watch out :)