in the waiting line

When those random events happen to occur in our lives, in which we have absolutely no control over, how are we to react? Given, there's an idea called 'common sense', but unfortunately for modern science.. no one can control our emotions and irrational behavior. I couldn't help but wonder when it comes to dealing with relationships, or friendships.. how do we act when we don't really know how to behave?

Most of the time, friends are meant to stick up for one another when it comes to those random occurrences in ones lives, yet when it does come to a certain point when two friends who share very similar interests conflict, the end result is never good. It comes to blaming one another or being jealous. Both will debate and debate until one can prevail, however, none come out victorious. Instead, both find themselves pleading or wanting to let go of the reasoning for why they were fighting in the first place. So when it comes to forgiveness and letting go, is our behavior always to blame? And when that conflict ends, some resolutions are made to an extent, but what happens when each opposing party begins letting go of their walls, and start letting someone in. Is letting go really the best option.. and if not, where do we fall?

college essentials

list of items needed in order to have a great college experience:

an amazing cell phone

great sunglasses

nalgene bottle

lux school bag

slick laptop

social networking

chapstick

personal style

the best friend

exercise

party papers

that's it for now :)

jump then fall

You've broken me, shattered my heart.

You've continuously torn me apart in ways I've never felt.

But day by day, the shattered pieces are brought together again. You play me like a broken tune, with the hopes to make a perfect song.

With each day, I continue to learn something new.

You were my forbidden fruit.

My temptation towards you continued to challenge itself.

Then you said... I love you

Finally, I saw your heart open up; you let me in.

Your tears truly moved me.

You're human. You're you. Flaws and all. I love you.

You're my best friend. You're indescribable. You're apart of my life.

You're wonderful. My wonderwall.

I've never felt this way before. When you smile, I smile.

I'll always be there for you. No matter what comes our way. We're us. Our bond is what we know, and cannot be put into words, for each day will always bring us someplace new.

I'll catch you when you fall :)

beautiful day

When faced with rejection from a bond remains undefined. We often ask questions, and wonder how we can move forward. Relationships fail, people come into your life, and people leave. Why is so difficult to pull away?

How do we gather ourselves up, both physically and emotionally, and finally move forward. For some, it's quite easy to move right on to person number 2, but for some, like myself, respected the times, and wouldn't imagine hurting another individual.

Best solution, find yourself where you are, frustrated or saddened, but simply breath, and reboot. Don't let this one relationship prevent you from letting people back into your life. Accept the defeat, but move forward. Change only comes when you learn to accept it, for change will not accept you, but will push you forward. Here's to letting go of the past, and remaining optimistic for the future.

Here we go again..

delayed devotion

this is my last letter on how you touched my life.

"You've moved forward. I accept that. I've forced myself to. You've been the greatest friend to truly move my life forward. I'll always remember that. This place I am right now though is truly heartbreaking. I'm torn apart. For more than two months, I tore myself apart trying to gain your attention. Something. Anything. Finally, faced with the ultimate, and clearest rejection, I stand humiliated. I let you go. I let you go into the arms of someone who managed to grasp your attention within a matter of days. Probably hours. And I sit here. Alone.

I feel like I was only used as your stepping stone. Your ego boost. And now, I feel you share the opportunity to blow it my face. You knew how I felt about you. And you leave me here, while you tell the world how your life is changed. I've changed. And I don't know how to go back to where I was. I feel so used. Worthless. And I know that tomorrow, I will pull myself up and continue on with my life. With you by my side. Is that the worst part? Or the best?

You don't know what to say. I know you're not sorry. You've pulled me down, you've brought me up, but worst of all you've torn my heart apart, and you don't realize this.

It was my fault. I held on to nothing. For far too long.. It was my mistake.

Now, I'm ready to move on. But I need you to know this. My life was truly changed because of you. And for all of that, thank you.

Now you sit confused, but in the same place as before--a friend.

You'll never read this. But it's my final letter to you."

Now I'm ready to move forward. Destination unknown.

eyes on fire

Honestly, I'm going in circles again.

I'm finding myself in the same situation as I've been in before. I'm in a mood in which I can't explain. I'm happy, yet disappointed. I'm hopeful, yet pessimistic. Optimistic, but cynical. I have a best friend to lean on, but I feel so alone. I feel so rich, yet so broke. I feel so useless.

I don't recognize myself anymore.

Let's hope this feeling ends soon.

fix you

There comes a point when college kids close the books and find themselves opening up their little shop of horrors. The ever celebrated event called Halloween. Hello trick or treat: whimsy and whore-ish costumes. Bottles upon bottles of magic juice and Goodbye any sense of responsibility. For me, my costume let my fears away and let me become something else for two nights, until finally coming back to me. Even though my costume never came off, my feelings and my friends came back. I had to wonder, in every day life, are our actions really just us wearing a costume?

What hides behind our actions is feelings, the truest of them, nothing fake: no pushed anger against others. Underneath the many wraps of our personality lies the love we share for others. And even for the most cynical of people, lies love. I realized I love this boy. Faced with the fear of losing him, the feeling, that sense that you would give your life, your blood, your insides away so that this person can continue on. pushed me forward, into another area of my life and made me realize that I, me, Darnell can care for others.

I have a best friend. I have someone who will accept me for whatever I choose to do in my life.

I have someone who has changed me. I have someone who has brought me back to life.

I have adventure. I have respect.

I'm so lucky, privileged, and fortunate.

And with the promise to move life forward, I feel like myself more than ever knowing I have someone there to lean on. And to have someone make my life so exciting, challenging, and significant..

Well that's just fantastic.

destination unknown

<3