with me.

In most times, when we are bestowed with enormous stress and anxiety, we often tend to let it get the best of us. In most moments, when we're afraid, we back away. Taking two steps back, afraid.. we restart. Organization is key as most will put it. Cleanliness is the best way to go. Our norms, beset with a class of psychology might tell us we're normal and that everyone around us is insane. But what happens when you stop, and you find yourself making excuses for everything else going on around you?

I've come to find in the past few months, part of myself, waiting to be opened. The part that was covered up by my old self blaming the surroundings for everything that wasn't. I let the worst get the best of me. What changed? The resistance let go; allowing myself to stretch my boundaries far beyond what I could have imagined, I became more of myself. Before, I told myself I wanted to keep all of myself, but change pushed me forward.

I'm content. Better than I ever could have imagined. I figured part one out. Or perhaps part two, three, or maybe even four? In fact, I figured out a majority of my life much like writing this essay. At first, what doesn't seem 'right' will be deleted and then worded differently; suddenly, it makes sense. Human emotions are forever complicated, but the best that I find myself able to do is let the past be just that. And then, I can allow myself to get ready for the present and the future. And knowing that might just be the best thing you can ever do for yourself.

To the next parts, breakdowns and absolute hectic times.. For what it's worth..

Never regret one single moment.. after all. You're the best thing to ever happen to yourself.

O

every choice makes sense. for one decision becomes only one outcome.

Is the outcome a win?

Maybe, but the win of information from the loss cycles balancing out the odds.

Turning everything even, and only back to an odd number, being level again.

Life cycles.

O

wild horses.

there are moments in life that hold you back.

They hold you back from the ones you care about, but bring you back to realize how far you've come. Those moments tend to hit you when you realize they happened so long ago. It's been 5 years. 5 years since I lost my hero.

Days and journeys have traveled themselves since the day. From losing all hope to pushing my goals far beyond anything I could ever have imagined, I'm slowly building myself into a greater person before ultimately leaving everything behind, and starting a completely new adventure.

It's been five years, and I've barely begun my adventure. From where the open road starts and into where it ends.. I'll never be thrown off track as I was that day I lost my grandfather. My hero, and to this date, my motivation. I can only do my best to make him proud each and everyday. To him, I miss you, I love you.. and I'll see you soon.

Grandpa. RIP. 5 years and still never forgotten.

here comes the sun

For most, there are special moments that occur when you catch yourself laughing. Smiling so brightly because throughout all the pain that occurred in prior months, you realize how truly lucky you are. That moment in realizing even the small, most insignificant things we take for granted are overlooked is when we can start being grateful for everything we have. And truly move on.

Moments as special as this are just that, but if you always remember that even in your darkest of times.. it takes a simple smile to make the day, that much special.

And then you find, tomorrow is another day; the past is the past. And if you're truly lucky, you realize that monumental things are about to happen.

In love; peace & harmony.

D. 610

ever so often, after new purchases, new mistakes, and new found opportunities, I really had to wonder.. what happens when everything seems to be content?

No drama; small, almost innocent and minuscule tension exist. But, in more ways than one, when things finally seem to be going right, what's next?

I couldn't help but wonder, do we need tensions to make life go on?

medley

For more reasons than none, heartbreak hurts in ways we couldn't imagine. Suddenly, our lives seemed perfect and now, it seems unimaginable that we can ever get over someone. The time, the happiness, the smiles, the comforting effortless feeling that both of us were happy.

Seasons change, and our bodies become immediately adapt to the hot, to the cold. So is it that relationships, the initial flirting, dining, and breakup.. is all of it just a season?

Over the past 20 years, myself has become adapted with the change of seasons, temperature, and locations. But just recently, everything shifts from what was typical to what is reasonable. Random shifts of occurrence, people coming into your life, and what seems like a bus taking another route, my love (once upon a time) was gone.

So why is it, that my heart, along with millions of other innocent growing adults stayed in the same place. Is it that we unknowingly treat others how we'll be treated? After all, I had someone who still wanted to be friends, and someone who liked me, someone who probably loves me, but I couldn't help but wonder.. why doesn't it feel like it's ever enough?

Today, I took to my own judgement and realized that I'm no longer in that person's life, and I had to realize that people move on. Like I had done to many, I was the victim and I'm taking the hit. From one love to another prospect, it took nearly eight months, from heartbreak to moving on, to another rekindled heartbreak.. but it took eight months to come full circle and realize life can truly move itself into new areas.

Being aware that love and dependency tie hand and hand with one another at this prime age of life. I realize that even though I might not have someone with me at this moment.. It's important to realize that while some people are choosing to settle for now, others are settling for the promise of the future.. and all of it's paradise. After all, seasons change, people change, but you, will only grow more into yourself.. and if you're very lucky, find someone who will love that growth just as much as you.

stars.

life somehow makes it way onto the next step.

From college to summer and back again, we take a cycle most aren't aware of. When we go out, when we stay in, somehow, our bodies form a cycle. Life is completely parallel. From every atom in our body to the galaxies beyond us. We are only part of human nature.

Why couldn't I connect the pieces when it came to relationships, or lack thereof. After all, what others might have had, I had filled in other places. The mind is a mysterious creature. But the nervousness that blocks us from telling the truth and saying, 'here it is.. I love you', is an obstacle. Like many video games, once you pass an obstacle, only then. Only then are you able to move forward to the next level, one step closer to victory.

What I realized is that I've been in love with someone, for quite sometime, but what I wasn't aware of was I was in love with him because he brought me into another level of my life. One I don't think I could done without him. I have a new job, new look, new outreach, new goals, and a new sense of myself due to him. And it's not for him. It was as though someone finally said, it's okay, you can do this. And I did.

Now it's become back again, cycle. It falls on me. I've come clean, expressing my feelings. And the results can't shape the rest of my life. It was in that moment, I realize.. you have to keep walking, struggling maybe, but eventually, with time and patience, you'll reach the finish line.

With those who matter most to you. On to the next one.