medley

For more reasons than none, heartbreak hurts in ways we couldn't imagine. Suddenly, our lives seemed perfect and now, it seems unimaginable that we can ever get over someone. The time, the happiness, the smiles, the comforting effortless feeling that both of us were happy.

Seasons change, and our bodies become immediately adapt to the hot, to the cold. So is it that relationships, the initial flirting, dining, and breakup.. is all of it just a season?

Over the past 20 years, myself has become adapted with the change of seasons, temperature, and locations. But just recently, everything shifts from what was typical to what is reasonable. Random shifts of occurrence, people coming into your life, and what seems like a bus taking another route, my love (once upon a time) was gone.

So why is it, that my heart, along with millions of other innocent growing adults stayed in the same place. Is it that we unknowingly treat others how we'll be treated? After all, I had someone who still wanted to be friends, and someone who liked me, someone who probably loves me, but I couldn't help but wonder.. why doesn't it feel like it's ever enough?

Today, I took to my own judgement and realized that I'm no longer in that person's life, and I had to realize that people move on. Like I had done to many, I was the victim and I'm taking the hit. From one love to another prospect, it took nearly eight months, from heartbreak to moving on, to another rekindled heartbreak.. but it took eight months to come full circle and realize life can truly move itself into new areas.

Being aware that love and dependency tie hand and hand with one another at this prime age of life. I realize that even though I might not have someone with me at this moment.. It's important to realize that while some people are choosing to settle for now, others are settling for the promise of the future.. and all of it's paradise. After all, seasons change, people change, but you, will only grow more into yourself.. and if you're very lucky, find someone who will love that growth just as much as you.

stars.

life somehow makes it way onto the next step.

From college to summer and back again, we take a cycle most aren't aware of. When we go out, when we stay in, somehow, our bodies form a cycle. Life is completely parallel. From every atom in our body to the galaxies beyond us. We are only part of human nature.

Why couldn't I connect the pieces when it came to relationships, or lack thereof. After all, what others might have had, I had filled in other places. The mind is a mysterious creature. But the nervousness that blocks us from telling the truth and saying, 'here it is.. I love you', is an obstacle. Like many video games, once you pass an obstacle, only then. Only then are you able to move forward to the next level, one step closer to victory.

What I realized is that I've been in love with someone, for quite sometime, but what I wasn't aware of was I was in love with him because he brought me into another level of my life. One I don't think I could done without him. I have a new job, new look, new outreach, new goals, and a new sense of myself due to him. And it's not for him. It was as though someone finally said, it's okay, you can do this. And I did.

Now it's become back again, cycle. It falls on me. I've come clean, expressing my feelings. And the results can't shape the rest of my life. It was in that moment, I realize.. you have to keep walking, struggling maybe, but eventually, with time and patience, you'll reach the finish line.

With those who matter most to you. On to the next one.

a dear old southland;

When it comes to college; cycle. Begin. End. We’re done.

Life: Begin. End.

From what end of the universe; we told one way, another might adapt. Others may evaluate. We don’t really know who it is. What is it? And maybe, we’re just bullshitting ourselves like animals. The smallest of creatures. Beyond that, emotions, relationships, ‘sparks’, all mean what?

For college, it’s one obstacle over another. From lessons on the whiteboard, to the ones we reach. Finally, it makes sense, only to be rewashed, forgetting what we thought was right. I feel the same can be for people; someone makes sense, wait, did I not learn the first time? The second time?

And suddenly, but almost unexpectedly, it does make sense. See what most don’t know is that in college, you really learn anything is possible. From entering adulthood, making choices to bring ourselves into new areas, physically & emotionally. From making the most of it or tragically ending it; we’re ultimately in charge of whatever comes our way. Children, motivated from youth to believe how we, as adult believe. When it comes to dealing with past mistakes, complete delusional, or even rejection, we often drive down into denial, blaming ourselves. When in actual reality, none of it matters. We find how our lives connect, but like trying to use a mistaken key, it doesn’t fit. So why fret over it? The key is torn apart; making yourself unable to connect, fit, with anyone. I find that seeking happiness in your moment of life is what’s most important. Tim after time, remembering the best is still yet to come and in time, our bodies and mind will mature into going into its own terms, having peace: the most important.

So for now, as two years came and went, college & life go on; in which way?

Well, let’s just say we haven’t seen anything yet.

Remember always; stay forever young; the world, open to anything

"heaven can wait; we're only watchin' the skies, hoping for best, but expecting the worst"